The Eggs Have It
by SuicunesRibbonButt
Summary: Eusine goes on a really pathetic adventure in order to get enough money to buy a Faberge egg.


There was only one thing constantly on Eusine's mind besides Suicune, of course.

Faberge eggs.

Don't get them confused with Easter eggs. Faberge eggs are nothing like Easter eggs. Jeweled, gilded, exquisite, rare, worth a fortune. Eusine couldn't stand simply looking through his coffee table book of Faberge. He needed to get his hands on one. Now. Luckily, Eusine was a man of many schemes. A regular snake. A weasel of the ages. He knew what he had to do.

It was the night of March 5th. The next day just so happened to be a huge gym leader conference that Eusine knew Morty couldn't be late to, which was why he was going to bed early that night. Morty was the heaviest sleeper Eusine knew. There have been many nights in the past that they would be sleeping in the same bed for reasons undisclosed and Eusine would kick Morty and he wouldn't even budge. It was almost as if when Morty slept, he also died. Must be that creepy ghost thing he had going for him, but whatever. Morty once trusted Eusine with a spare house key, and it was finally going to come in handy.

Eusine didn't want to drive to Morty's house. Though it would make for a quick getaway, his car was old, and made a lot of noise. Though Morty was a heavy sleeper as previously mentioned, Eusine thought he could never be too safe in this situation. He was gonna travel by foot. In the best robbery gear he had, black pants and a light blue Backstreet Boys concert t-shirt from 1999, he headed off to Morty's split-level, half brick, half paneling abode that he knew his way around by heart. He could point out every crack of paint on the walls, no joke. The key fit perfectly and clicked into place like butter as Eusine's spider-like fingers turned it. As Eusine took one step inside, he smelled the familiar aroma of Morty's house. Popcorn, garlic butter, and alcohol masked by a pine tree air freshener spray from the dollar store. Eusine smiled as he continued walking further and further into his second home. He nearly tripped over a pair of shoes he left there the other day, but he made a crazy wicked rebound and caught himself. However, said rebound caused him to step on Morty's PS2 and break it. Oh well. The important issue at hand was finding where Morty hid his life savings. Eusine knew Morty "didn't trust the bank," as he spit out one night when he was beyond hammered. Despite the fact that Morty couldn't even walk that night, Eusine knew his words were true.

Hiding money under his mattress was too predictable for a man like Morty. Stylish, cunning, owns a pair of pants in every color under the rainbow. Morty was truly the man of all men (though he wasn't as handsome as Eusine) and therefore, wouldn't be caught dead hiding money under his mattress. It would be a different place. Somewhere cleverer, not able to be thought of by the average human mind. Thank god Eusine wasn't an average human. It came to him right away, lickity split.

Morty's sock drawer.

This involved careful planning. Eusine had to make it up the couple of steps to make it to Morty's bedroom, then dig through his enormous collection of patterned, mismatched socks to find the gold. It could be anywhere; inside a sock, at the back of the drawer, who even knew with Morty?

The bedroom door was open, Morty never wanted to sleep with it closed. He was always worried a killer would come in and he would be trapped in his room because he'd forget how to open the door and then the killer would burst through and there would be no way of escaping…or something like that. Honestly, sometimes Eusine just tuned Morty out. Eusine saw the shape of Morty's angular, small-boned body sprawled out underneath the Power Rangers comforter that he always had and that always creeped Eusine out because all he could think about was the red ranger watching all of Morty's sexual antics. If he wasn't mistaken, the drawer that held Eusine's fate was the top one on the left of the dresser. With tiptoes that were actually a lot heavier than Eusine thought, probably on the verge of hulking, the researcher made it to the dresser, with not a hint of sound coming from Morty. His clammy fingers clasped the knob as he pulled, revealing an assortment of brightly colored foot sweaters. Eusine knew Morty's deepest darkest secrets, well, a good amount of them at least, so he reached for the single sock near the back of the drawer with cartoon ears of corn printed on it. He felt something inside, something somewhat heavy and in a suspicious oblong-ish shape. It could be a container that holds the money for all Eusine knew.

He reached inside and pulled out a, well, it was something that had probably experienced more Morty than it ever wanted to if you're picking up what I'm putting down, and it was definitely not money. Panicked, Eusine shoved it back in the sock, vowing to wash his hands as soon as he could, and jammed it back in the drawer. His next target would be the sock with seaweed on it. That, too, had something in it, and when Eusine reached his hand in, a smile crept across his face knowing that this time, he made the right choice and would not be discovering something he was not in the mood for at the current moment. He would count the cash later, but for now, he knew he held 6 coins and 4 bills in his hands. The bills would probably be the largest he's ever seen, and definitely get him that Faberge egg he couldn't stop dreaming about. He closed the drawer and took a deep breath. Slowly, he started clapping for himself. That's when it happened. Though Eusine thought he knew Morty's casa inside and out, he failed to remember that Morty had the Clapper in his room, and Eusine's claps ultimately made Morty's lights flicker on. Unable to escape in time, Eusine was one foot out the door when he heard the groggy voice coming from the bed.

"E-Eusine? Man, what are you doing here? I told you I couldn't do it tonight because I needed to sleep but here you are anyway. Oh well, I guess a qui-" Morty stopped his sentence and squinted hard at what Eusine was holding in his hands. "Dude….is that the money from my money sock? Are you stealing from me? Tsk, I thought I could trust you."

Eusine couldn't even find words to say. He was caught in the act. He had to accept defeat. He sulked over to the side of Morty's bed and handed him the money.

"I just wanted to achieve my second-most dream. My dream of buying a Faberge egg. You know my mom wouldn't give me the money and just call me a moocher, so I let my emotions take hold and I ended up taking advantage of my best friend in the whole world," he reached his hand out and tucked part of Morty's hair behind his ear. "I'm sorry, Morty."

"Go buy me a burrito and a drink with that cash and I'll forgive you, okay?"

"Huh? Wait…"

Eusine looked down at the money. What was hidden in the sock was only enough to get a meal from Taco Bell.

Eusine's dreams were crushed once again.


End file.
